I Wanna Have Your Babies
by Moonlit-Jeannie
Summary: When the teens all participate in the same "family planning" project in Home Ec, hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter One: Baby Love

**AN: Okay, so I had this idea yesterday and it just all came flowing out. It was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but unfortunately if I made this a one-shot it would kill me…and be about 50,000 words or so. So…you're getting a short chapter fic while I work on ATMMW. Yay. I know I promised, but I'm sure you guys won't mind since this will be a lot more light-hearted and will be canon. It's basically their first semester of their senior year. So…I hope you enjoy!**

**This is dedicated to Jo because I promised I would dedicate a fic to her. :-P You got a full-blown chapter fic, girl! Not just a super-long one-shot. I hope you're happy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own LWD or any of its characters. If I did…Ralph would get more screen time and Trevor and Kendra would be back and split the amount of lines that are given to Sally because frankly, she's just getting way too many. I also don't own the song "I Wanna Have Your Babies" by Natasha Bedingfield or any of the songs used as chapter titles in this story.**

**-Baby Love-**

"Okay, all of you noticed this lesson plan as it was indicated on your syllabi that I handed out at the beginning of the year. We will be spending the next four weeks covering different challenges that each of you may find yourselves facing upon entering adulthood," Ms. Ramirez addressed the class as she made her way back to her desk from the closet, her arms loaded down with the heavy load in the cardboard box that she was carrying.

Casey jotted down some notes before looking back up to the front of the room where the young teacher was scrawling something across the board.

"This is something that we did at my school and I really enjoyed it and learned a lot from it so I hope all of you also learn from this experience and take what you learn with you as you progress throughout the year and after you graduate at the end of this year."

Sam shook his head when he noticed that Derek's head had fallen to his desk again and that he was mumbling something. His friend was asleep, again. Grabbing his friend by the back of the collar of his polo shirt, he pulled his head up from his desk, causing Derek to wake with a start.

"Whaaa?"

"Derek?" Ms. Ramirez asked, surprised. "Would you like to go first?"

"Uh…"

"Alright then," she continued before he was able to say anything more. She was pleased that one of the students who had seemed so indifferent seemed to be showing some initiative. "You are paired with Melissa Duchovny. If the two of you could come up here and collect your assignment."

Derek frowned, but shook his head before sighing and finally got out of his seat to make his way up to the front of the room. The blonde was already at Ms. Ramirez's desk by the time he made it there and had taken the folder from the woman, already beginning to flip through it.

"Derek, I have set the carriers over by the closet, if you could go pick one out from beneath the tarp?"

"Carrier?" He did as he was told and walked over to the blue tarp that was covering a group of baby carriers and pulled one out that was a hunter green before walking back over to the desk. He really didn't know what was going on. He probably should have read that paper thing that she had handed out the first day, but it served a much better purpose as a paper wad thrown at Casey's head.

"Oh my gosh!" Kendra exclaimed from her seat behind Casey. "We get to have those little babies? I always wanted to do that. That is so awesome, I should thank Jason for the mono. 'Cause you know I totally wouldn't have had to repeat grade twelve if I didn't get sick."

"Um…Kendra?" Emily turned around in her seat to face the girl who was seated across from her.

''Yeah?"

"Never mind."

"Casey?" Ms. Ramirez called, pulling the girl out of her note-taking zone. "Sam will be your partner."

Casey quickly set aside her notebook and made her way to Ms. Ramirez's desk to pick her baby out of the group of twelve that were in the box. Sam met her with a blue baby carrier from the collection and she set the doll inside before taking the folder full of charts and handing the carrier off to Sam.

When Sam passed Derek on his way back to his seat, his friend made a face at him. "Good luck with that, man. Whatever…it is we're supposed to be doing."

Sam rolled his eyes. "We're taking care of the babies, keeping charts on them, and learning about things like paying bills and balancing a check book."

"Right…well, good luck with that. I'm sure Casey's already got everything charted out, on index cards and post-its."

"Ralph?" Sam and Derek looked up from their conversation when they heard their friend's name being called. "Ralph?" Ms. Ramirez tried again, this time a little louder than before.

Sam turned around and found his friend writing in a notebook, but he wasn't taking notes. "Dude, are those hearts?"

"No…" Ralph said defensively, closing his notebook and sliding it under his desk. "They're…breasts?"

Sam raised his eyebrows questioningly, but said nothing, instead, turning his attention back to Ms. Ramirez.

"Ralph?"

"Uh…yeah, Ms. R?"

"Emily is going to be your partner. Can the two of you please come up and collect your baby and notes?"

"Baby?" Ralph asked softly.

"Dude, you really weren't paying attention, were you?" Sam laughed before indicating the baby carrier that he had set between his and Kendra's desks. "It's all a part of our project."

The other boy nodded slowly and joined Emily at Ms. Ramirez's desk. The girl had already collected the carrier and placed the baby in it, so it was up to Ralph to get the folder full of notes and charts and take it back to his desk. He opened the folder, curious as to what exactly the project was, and frowned as he began to read. Due to paying more attention to the words in the folder and none to where he was going, he tripped over the carrier that held Sam and Casey's baby, which sent him sprawled across the floor and set the baby off, crying.

"Ralph!" Casey exclaimed and shot Sam a look, prompting him to pick up the baby and fumble for the key to get it to be quiet.

"Okay…well, we have our first crier a little sooner than I had expected and also an example of what not to do. Thank you, Ralph."

Ralph blushed and scrambled to his seat, allowing Ms. Ramirez to take the time to assign more students partners. "What is this exactly?" he whispered to Sam once his friend had silenced his baby. He pulled one of the first pieces of papers that he had found in the folder out and showed it to the other boy. It looked a lot like the certificates one would get for perfect attendance or something of that sort in kindergarten or grade one.

Sam glanced over it before pulling out his own, this one with his and Casey's names on it instead of Ralph and Emily's. "It's our wedding licenses. Or…certificates. Why? It's just letting us know-"

"I can't get married!" Ralph hissed. "Amanda will kill me."

"It's fake, Ralph, completely fake. And it's a class project…I don't think she'll kill you."

Ralph shook his head. "No, you don't know her. When she gets mad…her face gets all red…and then purple…and it scrunches up…and it's scary!"

"You forget that I live in a house full of estrogen, dude. I know scary. Just explain it to her."

"Trevor…you're partners with Kendra," the boy who was sitting in the corner, behind Ralph got up and went to the front, cautious so he wouldn't experience the same fall as Ralph. The boys in front of him continued to speak, and Derek, who had put his head back down shortly after Sam had been paired with Casey, was asleep again.

"How am I supposed to explain it? She's going to think that Em's a home-wrecker…"

"Ralph," Sam sighed. "You're not married, but…if explaining the situation doesn't work you could always buy her a present. That's what most people do on TV and in movies." He shrugged. "It wouldn't hurt, would it?"

A smile suddenly came across Ralph's face and he rubbed his hands together. "Yeah! That's a great idea…I'll get her a gift…and give it to her…before I explain! No, after! Yeah!"

"Glad I could help," Sam said and started to turn around, but Ralph wasn't finished.

"Do you think she'd like an ashtray?"

"An…ashtray? Does she smoke?" he asked, puzzled.

"No…but it looks like a turtle."

"Of course, well, it sounds great," he said and turned around once more. He was beginning to realize why Derek slept through class.

Class was dismissed shortly after and everyone made their way out of the room, their arms loaded down with either their folders and books or the baby carriers with babies inside.

"Hey, Emily?" Ralph asked, walking up to the girl who was having trouble balancing her books and the purple baby carrier at the same time.

"Yeah, Ralph? Oh…I was thinking we could meet at Casey's today to go over this. She said that Sam was going to be coming over and they would just work on it then…and Kendra might come over with her baby, so we can all work on it together. Does that work?"

"Uh…sure. I was just going to ask…how many shoe horns do you have?"

"Um…shoe horns?" she asked, unsure of whether or not she had heard him correctly. When he nodded, she frowned. "I don't have any. Why?"

"Is two shoe horns too many for a girl to have? Because I got Amanda a shoe horn for our anniversary…and I was thinking about getting her another shoe horn if her other gift falls through."

"Well, since I don't have a shoe horn I might not be the right person to asked, Ralph," Emily tried, but then changed her wording. "I'm sure she'd love a new shoe horn. That sounds great. What was your other gift idea?"

"A turtle ashtray," he said simply, but when he spotted Amanda waiting at his locker his face changed. "Oh no! She can't see us together…" His eyes darted between Emily and Amanda and back to Emily again before he shoved the folder for their project at her and took off down the hallway toward Amanda.

"What was that?" Casey asked her friend when she stopped at her locker. Sam was also there, looking over the folder and reading off things to Casey and Kendra was there with her own baby carrier.

"I'm not sure," Emily shrugged.

"Emily's the other woman," Sam explained to the girls. "He's afraid that Amanda will think she's a home-wrecker."

"Uh-huh…" Kendra said, trying to keep up. "Why does he think that?"

"The project, he thinks it makes him and Em married and that Amanda will get jealous or something."

"Well…that explains the shoehorn," Emily muttered.

"The what?" Kendra asked. "What is that?"

"Well, I guess it's better than an ashtray," Sam commented.


	2. Chapter Two: Hit Me Baby One More Time

-1**AN: Sorry it took so long for the update. I've just been really busy with the job search and with ATMMW, flashfics, etc. It's been so long since I've updated, I'm a year older! Well, er, as of yesterday. So Happy one day Belated Birthday to me! Yay! I hope you guys like this chapter as much as the first one. After this one, it will be splitting more into the couples taking care of the babies because this one's still the first day and they're kind of still getting started with the project.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own LWD or the song by Natasha Bedingfield which is where the title of this story comes from.**

**-Hit Me Baby One More Time-**

"Okay, so it says the rent is…roughly eighteen hundred dollars a month and this says the utilities are about seven hundred dollars a month…how is it that much? Is Derek slumming it on our couch and leaving every single light, appliance, and water faucet on in our house?" Casey questioned after reading aloud the costs of expenses as Sam jotted down the numbers, doing the math on a piece of notebook paper. "And the daycare is…how much again?" she looked down at the packet and flipped to the next page, "It's about eight hundred dollars a month. Eight hundred dollars a month? Is there going to be anything left to invest and for the baby's college fund?"

"You might want to take another look at page one section B, Casey," Sam told her.

"Oh, right. There's plenty. You know…they're just handing out very successful jobs for high school students, wouldn't most be working possibly an office job, or even in retail or the food service industry? I mean…you got Cardiologist and…what'd you get again, Emily?"

Emily glared. "I got divorce lawyer. Seriously…why would that even be a profession in this project? Of course Ralph over here's going to be an obstetrician apparently."

Ralph nodded, shoving a cheese curl into his mouth. "Yeah, I still don't know what that is, though. Why won't anyone tell me? It's, like, a doctor, right? Because there's pediatrician and…well, a beautician isn't a doctor. Maybe words that just end in -trician are doctors. It's gotta have the R."

"Ralph," Sam interrupted his friend before a long monologue could begin, "I'll explain everything later."

"Oh…okay." This time, his hand went straight for the bowl of leftover Halloween candy.

"Well, I'm a homemaker," Kendra stated proudly. "So…I guess you're wrong about the whole job thing, Casey because I don't get any income. Of course, Trevor, rakes in a lot of money as a…" she trailed off and looked at the paper again, frowning. "A game show host? I thought…what the heck? You're right, Casey. I hate these jobs."

"I thought this was supposed to realistically reflect the financial woes of a young adult starting out. Instead it seems like we should all be living it up in mansions," Casey commented. "Does anyone know what Derek and Melissa got?"

"Porn star?" Emily suggested of Melissa. With the girl's poorly bleached hair and humongous (fake!) breasts, none of them suggested otherwise.

"Porno director?" Kendra offered, adding to Emily's previous suggestion with her own for Derek.

Trevor covered his mouth and tried not to choke on the baby carrot that he had been chewing on while Sam shook his head and quickly took a drink of water.

"Dude…really? That's awesome," Ralph commented. He was trying to fold the orange and black wrappers from the peanut butter candies into some weird form of origami. Casey was quite sure that it was supposed to be something pornographic in and of itself. "I wish I got porn star, but then I think Amanda might make me change my profession, you know? Unless she got to be in the movie too, but I dunno if she'd be up for that."

"Who the hell is Amanda?" Trevor asked. He had been feeling out of the loop the entire afternoon because Ralph had kept talking about the girl and asking Casey where the McDonald-Venturis had bought their juicer and where Emily's parents had gotten their garage door opener. Quite frankly, it was kind of freaking him out, but Kendra at least seemed about as puzzled as he did.

"She's Ralphie's girlfriend," Kendra whispered. "Keep up." It had been the first words exchanged between the two partners besides the ones that Kendra had thrown at him when he'd arrived at Casey's house, telling him that their baby's name was Claudia and he wasn't going to change her mind because it had taken her an hour to come up with it. He was pretty sure, however, that she'd just figured the fact out or was making a guess because she had looked to Casey for confirmation.

"Yeah," Ralph echoed, "she's my girlfriend."

"We're not going to have cable. We will have high-speed internet, but no cable. That money can be used for the baby's savings bond," Casey said, steering herself and Sam back to the worksheet.

"I thought she was your sister or something. Or maybe your stepsister with that last remark because it was a little strange."

"What? Wait…why did you think she was my sister?"

"My dad bought my aunt a waffle iron for Christmas last year. And for her birthday, he got her a set of Leafs coasters and a plunger," Trevor explained.

"Dude! Coasters! I could get her coasters to go with the ashtray."

Emily's eyes went wide and she screwed her mouth shut, tight, before speaking up. "Ralph…I think you're missing Trevor's point, but I'm sure Amanda will love that."

When he nodded and made a note of it, Emily met Trevor's eyes and shook her head, mouthing, "Forget it."

"Okay…why don't we just," Casey tried to change the subject back to the project at hand when Derek and Melissa made their way into the kitchen (presumably by way of upstairs, like no one knew what was going on with those two). Derek stuffed his hand deep into the bowl full of cheese curls that was arranged between Casey and Sam. He sifted through the entire bowl, as if fishing for something, and came up with two of the cheese curls. "Excuse you," Casey said, swatting at him to get him out of the way. "We're all kind of busy here. You know, doing work?"

"Where's your baby?"

Derek went to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of pop and a bottle of water, handing the water to Melissa, before he acknowledged Sam's question. "Uh, what? Oh right…the doll?" At this, both Kendra and Ralph looked horrified, "Marti's going to take care of it for us. Easy A, she plays with dolls all the time."

"Are you forgetting what she did to Miss Marguerite when she didn't play nice with Sir Monksalot?" Sam reminded his friend. "I'm thinking it won't be an easy A if that happens again because there are computer chips in these babies, it says how long each one cries before it's attended to, it counts every time the head snaps back, everything. I'm pretty sure buried in Marti's toy chest is not the place for…did you two even name your baby?"

Melissa looked annoyed, but Derek brushed off her look and his friend's question. "Not really, but I think Marti did. Why don't you talk to her? Okay…snack break over, I'm refueled and ready to…er, study."

Casey, Kendra, and Emily rolled their eyes collectively, but Ralph frowned causing his eyebrows to knit together in confusion. "What are you studying for? We don't have a test tomorrow do we?"

"No, Ralph, we don't have a test," Emily assured him.

"Well, we do have that one next week in English," Casey amended. "So technically we do have something to study for, it just isn't tomorrow."

Emily glared at Casey. "You're not helping," she hissed, nodding her head toward Ralph whose eyes had began to grow larger.

"But, uh, that doesn't matter right now because we need to work on this baby project," Casey said hurriedly.

"Right," Trevor spoke up, as Derek and Melissa snuck out of the room. "Do you two have the extra packet with the information about housing and childcare on it? It's not in this folder that Kendra gave me."

Sam plucked the packet from the stack in front of Casey and slid it across the table to Trevor. "We've already filled out everything using that, I think. So we won't need it back."

"We don't need it," Kendra insisted. "What do you mean it wasn't in the folder? Check again. It was in there earlier."

"What do you mean we don't need that packet, Sam? We still have the questions on the back of this page to finish," Casey informed him as she waved the worksheet in front of his face.

"Well," Trevor said, "it may have been in there earlier, but it isn't in here now. And we need it to fill out the information for this page." He flipped over the page he had been looking at. "Oh, yeah, Casey's right. Um…well, the two of you can have this back when we're finished with it, or you can just finish it up and we'll work on something else until you're done."

One of the babies, all three of which were lined up on the island in their baby carriers, began to cry. "Any clue whose baby that is?" Kendra asked.

Emily shook her head, "No, and their mouths don't move, so that's no help. Ralph…go see if you can tell which one it is and bring it back here, without dropping it or falling this time, okay?"

"Why do I have to? Why can't Sam do it? He's closer," Ralph tried to reason.

"Sam's doing work. You're not," was Emily's response.

He got up and returned a few seconds later with his and Emily's baby carrier. "It was Bert," he told her, and set the carrier down on the table on top of their worksheets. "You have the key, right?"

"I told you, it's a girl and her name is Meagan. And I gave you the key. What did you do with it?"

"I think…" he pursed his lips together. "I think I put it on my key ring, maybe? With my house key…and my car key…and my grandma's house key…"

"Great," Emily sighed. "Do you know where the key ring is?"

"Well, I rode over with Sam…and my mom's home all day, so I left it at home," Ralph explained.

"You what?"

Kendra sniggered and Casey rubbed her fingers to her temples. Sam and Trevor shot each other looks, eyebrows raised.

"Wait…no! I think it's in my pocket. Wait!" He stuffed both hands in his pockets and retrieved the small key victoriously. "Yes! Oh, um, here you go, Em."

"How did you not realize that you had it in your pocket?" Kendra asked.

Emily quickly got the doll to quiet its wails and Kendra repeated herself, this time, a little louder than before.

"What pocket?" Marti said as she bounced down the stairs. "Oooh, are we having a party? Hi Ralphie! Hi Sammy! Oh, oh, oh! And Trevor and Kendra. And Emily!"

"Marti," Casey spoke softly, hoping that her voice sounded like it was full of reason. "Can you go upstairs and play with Sir Monksalot? We're busy working. Maybe we can play later, though, okay?"

"Sir Monksalot's sleeping. He's mean, he stole Fred's bed."

"Who is Fred?" Sam asked, but he was pretty sure that he knew the answer. He eyed Marti's hand that was hidden behind her back suspiciously, and his thoughts were confirmed when she pulled the arm out and showed that she was holding Derek and Melissa's baby by its foot. She had dragged it all the way down the stairs on its head. How it hadn't started crying, he wasn't exactly sure.

"Fred's my new baby. Smerek gave him to me. He's hungry now, though. So I've gotta feed him."

"You, uh, you don't feed Fred, Marti," Casey tried to explain. "He has a special key…that's how you make him stop crying."

"Oh, well…I didn't have a special key before and I got him to stop. So now I thought I would feed him."

Emily snorted and Trevor began to turn red around the ears as he kept his mouth shut tight, determined not to laugh. Kendra frowned and got up from her seat and went over to Marti.

"Marti, sweetie, what did you do to Fred to get him to stop crying? Why don't you give him to me for a minute? I'll feed him, okay? I've got one of those keys."

Marti shrugged and followed Kendra back over to the table, grabbing a chair across from Ralph and claiming it for herself. "I just did what I always do when Amber and Sora cry. I sat on him for awhile, and then…he didn't stop, so I threw him up the stairs to Edwin's room. He didn't stay up there like they usually, do. I think he hit the door, and he rolled back down, but he stopped crying."

Kendra looked at the doll in her arms with wide eyes before casting a glance over at Trevor who was now amidst a coughing fit. "Why would you do that, sweetie?"

"Because he wouldn't be quiet."

This time, Sam and Casey exchanged looks. "Marti…" Casey started. "You said Derek didn't give you a key?"

Marti nodded.

"Okay, I want you to see if he still has it, because throwing Fred is not the way you get him to stop crying."

"But it worked," she insisted. "It wasn't all that hard."

"That's, um, not the point. This is for school, okay? And you do better on the project the faster you get the baby to stop crying…with the key, get it? It's kind of like a game."

"That's a kind of stupid game. You give babies bottles."

"Uh, Trevor…are you alright?" Sam asked. "You need some water?"

Trevor shook his head. "No, I'm okay," he choked out.

"That's what I thought," Ralph said. "But you can't really give these babies milk or anything, 'cause it'd mess them up. So we just have to use the key and put it in it's back, see?" When he said this, Emily pulled open the back of their baby's onesie and showed Marti the little slot for the key.

"Wouldn't it hurt him?" Marti asked him hesitantly. "I mean…whenever I get a shot, it hurts me. It's kind of like that, right?"

"It wouldn't hurt him anymore than you throwing him or anything else," Casey said.

"Oh…well…I don't know, Smerek's busy, I think."

"I bet he's not too busy for you," Kendra told her. "Just got tell him you need the key to properly care for Fred because he's hungry…just like you told us, sweetie."

"Okay!" She made a grab for Fred, but Kendra held him to her.

"Why don't you bring his carrier down here when Sir Monksalot's finished napping and we'll put him in there. It's a lot safer for him."

Marti eyed her suspiciously, but nodded. "Okay," she said before dashing up the stairs.

"Good one, Kendra," Emily complimented. "I mean…he's never too busy for Marti, that's true…but…the way you said that."

Kendra smiled. "Thanks Em!"

"Uh, what was it Derek was saying about an easy A?" Trevor interrupted.


End file.
